It was a special place that is very deep in my heart but my life and service does not end there. In letting that go it felt at first as though I was giving up on my home, and walking away from people and situations I felt I could better. I thought because I love it so much and feel so deeply for it then I am meant to return. I felt if I let it go I was giving up and not taking the challenge. But the challenge it seems is not going but staying. The challenge is waiting and releasing. The challenge is trusting.
In letting go my heart is open to wherever God takes me. I know in asking me to release Madagascar back to him that he is making room for what he has next for me, which of course is always better than what we envision for ourselves.
*******
You were a gift and you gifted me fully
with music and crickets.
But those days can not be milked for more than they were.
Memories of a child can not be revisited with adult eyes.
You held a special time,
a secret slot in my heart
I must now return to its owner.
I can not harbor you captive as though you are the extent of my living.
I do not wish to idolize nor misinterpret our times.
But
I’ll carry with me
our sunny afternoons,
and your sense of humor.
The routine of life
that brought the consistency of rice and staring.
Your toothless smiles
And bare feet.
You’ve left your mark and an unquenchable homesickness
formed of memories and candle light,
the smell of kerosene and fried bread,
diesel fuel and guavas.
I’ll miss you all my life
but life must go on.
I release you to those who can fully serve you,
whole heartedly,
heathly
and
called.
It is with the deepest gratitude and remorse
that I wrap up your pieces
and give them back.
How freeing it is the let you go,
my sweet and unhealthy umbilical cord.
As I cut you off and watch you sail away
I instantly grew taller.
H.A. 3/2008
4 comments:
Wow, Heather. You're very brave to take a step like this one. Thanks for sharing.
Lots of love and a great big hug to you!
i love the line, "i'll miss you my whole life"
Post a Comment