I often wonder why I am in the ICU. I don't fit the bill. I am somewhat flighty. Crossing my I's and dotting my T's. Not type A (as most ICU nurses are). I am honest but soft-spoken. I am straight forward but sensitive. I can be tough, but prefer not to be. So why am I in an environment that asks me to yell and restrain my patients as most of them are so sick they are delirious and combative?
Each patient's story is more tragic than the last: long term drug addict or alcoholic, grandmother beat up by grandson, 89-year-old riddled with cancer, pedophiles, murderers, 15-year-old baring his gunshots as a right of passage. Monitoring visitors for victims of violence. Stabbings, car accidents, suicide attempts, morbid obesity.
These are a few of the stories and lives that pass through my week.
I could work in a Doctor's office. Take blood pressures and temperatures. A guaranteed lunch break. With calming elevator music playing overhead and magazines and tissues in the waiting room.
So, why do I work here?
To be soft in a hard place.
Softness is tricky, especially in hard places. Softness is not admired where type A precision is expected. It is also not conducive to a patient population of addicts and convicts who can be manipulative and rough.
I know I am being asked to take a different approach.
But how does this approach look? How do you stay soft and yet maintain control?
Trial and error?
Practice? Patience? Prayer?
That's probably it...prayer. That works for most things.
I love my job. I love that it asks more of me than simply applying nursing skills. Interactions between patients, Doctors, and other nurses are layered and greatly alter the care a patient receives.
To be soft in this place...yes, prayer indeed.
H.A.
5/2013
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
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3 comments:
I LOVE this post, Heather. Reading about what you see on a weekly basis really blew me away and transported me right back to my nursing days. I think it's a beautiful thing to have your soft and gentle spirit in such a hard and painful setting. And, you are right, I don't think that many people can stay soft in that environment. Toughness and callousness tend to win out, though the paradox is that I think it takes real strength to stay soft and gentle in such an environment.
By what you share about your nursing experience, and by what I know about you, it seems you are an absolute gift to your patients and their family members, and probably somewhat of a mystery to your coworkers. And, I know it all must weigh heavy on your soul at times, and I love what you say about prayer sustaining you.
You are an inspiration and I love your writing. I always feel right at home when I'm reading your words. Thanks for sharing.
Lib, I have been following your blog too. It seems you have been doing a lot of reflecting, I think that is always a good thing and leads to growth as you process your journey thus far. Thank you for reading and understanding. I really do want to take this challenge and implement it. I know it is why I am there.
Love this! I tell ya - your soft, tender, kind heart are experienced and seen by those with whom you come in contact. The gifts of the spirit are palpable in your midst - What prayer can do - and a willing spirit!
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