Taking time for Dentures..

Much of my job as an ICU nurse is taking care of patient’s families as they walk through the grieving process of losing a loved one.  This of course is a very sensitive time.  Some need to be left alone to process.  Some need to talk about it and ask detailed questions about every treatment and action I make in order to feel as though they have a sense of control in a very terrifying situation.  Others need to talk about golf, tractors, travel, news, the Olympics, anything other than the reality before them. 

I recently took care of an elderly woman for two months.   In that time I became very close with her husband.  I understood his level of understanding of her situation, and he trusted me as a spring board for hard questions and as a compassionate ear.  We talked about everything from memories of her, their kids, his career, his passion for restoring vintage tractors (he has 5 red and 4 green).

Three weeks ago she passed away.   I sat with him at 2 AM in a desolate waiting room, both feeling a little bit outside of ourselves.  Him as he had just seen his love of 55 years take her last breath, and me as I sat holding his shaking hands and the reality of my life and surroundings hitting me: the lights of a Midwest city glistening outside the window from resent rain fall, another family member curled up in a recliner, vinyl seats, floral wall paper and crusty carpet.  I couldn’t help thinking ‘This is my life.  How did I get here?  I used to be a carefree island girl that worked at a coffee shop and planted palm trees.  When did I become qualified to sit with this man in his time of bereavement?’   But I realized it isn’t my degree that qualifies me but the friendship and trust that built over those two months.  

His first tears fell when we returned to her room to find her dentures in a cup lying with her on her bed.  ‘Her teeth’ he whispered with tears rolling down his face and of course mine too.    

 I could have easily never engaged with him.  I could have done my job, taken care of his wife to best of my clinical ability, clocked in, clocked out.  But I’m so glad I didn’t.  I’m so glad I took the time to hear about his tractors, their trip to Alaska, her baking and tomato plants. 

I am so grateful to be in a job that is so real and vital, compassionate as well as calculated.  It is a challenging balance and I am learning.

H.A. 8/2012